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Apr 30

Is there Tailgating at the Derby?

Posted by: Ryan | Leave a Comment (12)
Category: Random Notes

Is this a rhetorical question? No!!!!!!!!!!! I am pretty sure that the whole point of the Derby is an excuse to party….. Get there and in as early as you can, walk through the gates and don’t hang out at your own car, with your buddies, chugging beers at 9AM. I know you want to get as amped up as possible for the day that’s about to be, but trust me. Whatever you can accomplish in this time will either wear off before you get in, or put your day off to a terrible start.

If you are headed to the infield, partying is the point of emphasis. Millionaire’s row, most likely not. I’ve been both places and they are completely different. Don’t show up to the Millionaires elevator wearing a wife-beater, camo-cargos, aviator shades, sandals, a farmers tan and sandals….. The two don’t mix. Same goes for the other side of the track, don’t venture through the tunnel and surface in the infield wearing a sear-sucker, bow-tie, sipping a $1,000 mint julep…. The two don’t mix.

Folks, this isn’t classy Keenland. This is the Derby. 100,000 plus soaking up the sun in the middle of a horse track, mud-diving, port-o-potty tipping, fighting, sweaty, flashing, weirdos looking to party and thats it. Once you enter it’s like jail, you don’t get out of there until your allowed. So what if the person next to you smells like b.o. and has been ripping his bong all day. So what if the beer line is longer than the track itself. So what if the portojohns are full (not talking about occupancy either). So what if that nasty old lady in front of you keeps flashing her baggettes.

This is Kentucky, this is the Derby, and if you want to tailgate before you go in be my guest. It won’t help you much! What you should be focusing on is how to take whatever tailgating supplies you have in mind through the gates with you…. Hell, you’ve paid an arm and a leg for a ticket to get in… Why can’t you duct tape two fifths to your inner thighs and slide past security. The fun of the Derby isn’t the horse racing. It’s how creative you can be sneaking your booze in.

So fill that watermelon full of vodka with a syringe, strap that IV bag full of tequila to your buttocks, and stock up on pints of Jimmy Beemer…. (Trust me, you don’t want to pay $10 for a beer, or $15 for a hot bourbon and coke)…. Save that money for a race or two, that’s all you will be able to pay attention to anyways. There is too much more going on out there for worrying about Tailgating before you go in.

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