On February 26, 2010, we here at TGR brought you the disturbing news of Tennessee’s living mascot, Smokey, and his battle with drug abuse. We are giving you the entire trilogy leading up to a new report on Smokey’s current condition Sunday before the game in Knoxville…
I know you are all familiar with Tennessee’s living mascot, Smokey. The lovable blue tick hound roams the sidelines for the Vols athletic teams. At first glance Smokey looks like a pleasant pup, but from reports recently submitted to the Tailgate Review, things are not always what they seem.
An unnamed source informed the TGR News Crew that Smokey is quite a problem for his handlers. Smokey was thought to be named such, because of the close proximity to the Great Smokey Mountains. Turns out, this is not the case at all. Smokey suffers from an addiction to smoking crack cocaine. I know “R.A, you silly fool, dogs don’t smoke crack!” Believe you me, I thought the same thing when I heard the news. How could he even light the lighter, he doesn’t have plausible thumbs or anything like that? Is someone helping him hold the pipe? Could it be one of those basketball players that are toting around pistols and marijuana? I am getting upset by this news, and I have known about this for months, it is very disturbing.Are crack dealers selling the crap straight to the dog, or is there a middle man?
We got this news only because the crack scene was about to be exposed by the local authorities. They had a lead on a University of Tennessee employee, and were about to go in to take the criminal down, but he bolted for the west coast. Seems he found a better boss out there that will allow him to get away with more than what UT was. I have heard that UT knows about the entire situation, but have chosen to protect their former hired Gun, instead of looking out for the well being of Smokey.
I don’t look down upon Smokey from my ‘drug free’ pedestal. Instead, I pity the fool as Mr. T would. I hope that the University of Tennessee can find time in their busy schedule to help their long time mascot. Instead of using more than 8 hours to paint the entire body of their men’s head coach orange, why not take a moment to help out their biggest fan.
If you are reading this Smokey, I care about you. If you ever want any help escaping your momentary high, to join a circle of friends as high as you can be on life, holler at your boy dawg!