On February3, 2011, we gave you this update on the status of Tennessee’s mascot, Smokey…
If things continue in the same direction they are currently heading in, a much larger dose of ‘Pregame Nonsense’ may be needed in order to cope in BBN. Losing to Ole Miss and Florida in back to back games in football is one thing, losing to them in basketball is a completely different one. It is time to jack up the volume on this TGR boom box and get to our game day preparations!
I am sure that some of you are familiar with our reporting of the trials and tribulations of the living mascot of the University of Tennessee athletic program, Smokey. A year ago, we first alerted the country to the terrible addiction the Vols lovable blue tick hound was dealing with. As I said in that first TGR news report, I don’t look down upon Smokey from my ‘drug free’ pedestal. Instead, I pity the fool as Mr. T would. The first question I got from most readers was, “How could he light the lighter, he doesn’t have plausible thumbs? “My only answer to that is…exactly.
In the Fall, we gave you an update on Smokey and his situation in Knoxville. We told you about some very charitable Kentucky fans who felt Smokey’s issues were getting worse and that they needed to step in. The UK alumni convinced 3 members of the DARE role model program from across the country to fly to Tennessee to assist in Smokey’s recovery, only to have them sidetracked by Tennessee basketball head coach, Bruce Pearl, with an invitation to a cookout at the coach’s home.
Until now, the last word that we received from those in and around Knoxville was that Smokey had started an illegal puppy mill and was selling his offspring to China for crack cocaine and eggrolls, Smokey’s favorite. Smokey, who’s name was originally thought to be connected to the Great Smokey Mountains of east Tennessee, apparently gathered all of the bitches (female dogs) from the UT campus in order to build his puppy stable. His addiction to crack has taken full control of his damn dog mind and he sees no problem in whoring out the tramps and mutts around town. Not only is he selling sex to the hounds around town unsatisfied with their marriages, he is encouraging his girls to not use protection in order to get pregnant. Smokey has discovered that the online sell of dogs to China is a very lucrative business and with the money he is making, he can get his fix and all of the shrimp eggrolls a blue tick hound can eat.
In just over a year, Smokey has built quite the clientele. From former Tennessee governors to former Tennessee basketball players, everyone who has had one of Smokey’s hoe’s comes away satisfied. Recently, a certain University of Tennessee employee was suspended temporarily from his job at UT. Reports
from around Knoxville indicate that throughout the UT employee’s suspension, he was a frequent customer of Smokey’s services. Rumors have the UT employee being very fond of a certain Labrador retriever named “Bitch Tits” and a German Sheppard named “Robin Quivers”. Nothing has been confirmed, but, former
tricks once employed by Smokey, state several of the coach’s, I mean UT employee’s, offspring have been sent to the Far East in the illegal puppy trade.
We have a pending tragedy on our hands TGR and we need to do something about it. Smokey has fallen deeper into the life of crime and is nearly to the point of no return. I beg of you, if you are in China in the near future and see any over weight German Sheppard’s or Labrador retrievers with orange highlights in their fur, do not purchase one! The best way to get to the Tennessee criminal element at this point is to hit them where it hurts, in their wallets. If you would like to send Smokey any monetary assistance, send your credit card number to firstname.lastname@example.org
C! A!! T! S!