For the past three painful days, we have revisited the Trials & Tribulations of Tennessee’s living mascot, Smokey, the blue tick hound. As I am sure you have read, Smokey has had a long battle with crack cocaine that has been ignored by those in power at the University of Tennessee. Despite the persistence of TGR and a few UK alumni along the way, Smokey’s life has spiraled out of control in the past couple of years. We at TGR are very afraid that the crack, the puppy mill, the puppy prostitution, and future NCAA sanctions on his beloved UT might end Smokey’s life. Below is the latest TGR report on the current condition of poor ‘ol Smokey.
TGR is very sad to report that the end of the road for Tennessee’s most famous blue tick hound is inching nearer. Smokey’s debilitating addiction to crack has taken a major toll on the dog’s body since we last spoke. As most Tennessee Volunteer fans will tell you, crack has a harsh effect on the intestines and bowel system of the body. After years of use, crack reportedly loosens the intestines and prevents the addict from having proper control of his or her bowels.
Unfortunately for Smokey, this stage of his illness has taken a grip on his life. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Smokey is pooping on everyone and everything in Knoxville’ Tennessee. If you previously thought the East Tennessee city had an odd odor wafting in and out of it’s city streets, you should get a whiff of it now. The crack head dog has put a funk on the town that will forever change the way his hometown is viewed by the rest of America.
I am told by sources close to the situation that the first time it was realized that Smokey was pooping on things uncontrollably, it was done in the UT football facilities. Soon after Tennessee’s former football coach left town for the west coast, UT administrators discovered the UT program stunk.
Their players wreaked, their new coach smelled, and the program as a whole was mired in piles and piles of Smokey’s fecal matter. It was immediately obvious that the first victims of Smokey’s uncontrollable bowels were the boys and girls in the UT football program. It was very odd for all involved To have the biggest canine Vol fan in Tennessee be the one to poop all over their facility and hard work.
After the football program was pooped upon, we were told Tennessee’s very successful baseball team was the next victims. Smokey’s heaving piles were found throughout that program’s halls too and boy, did it stink. I have been told that on very gusty days in the Smokey Mountains, the stench could be detected as far north as Indianapolis. It was no surprise that Smokey’s dumps had such a wretched smell, he was not eating the best diet with all of his money going towards the crack. After the football teams much publicized situation with the poop, the baseball team at UT’s stinky problems have flown under the radar. And to think, the baseball Vols have given so many old baseballs and hotdogs to their good friend Smokey, only to be pooped on. Many have began to wonder if Tennessee’s baseball team will ever recover from the mess.
As bad as those situations are, nothing compares to the steaming patty Smokey left at Thompson-Boling Arena. For all of the dirty turds Smokey left for his baseball and football friends, he left the most damaging nuggets for his basketball buddies. Apparently, the piles of poop are so high in the arena and basketball facilities, it has caused in-fighting between the players and coaches at UT. Smokey’s powerful poops have put an enormous amount of tension in the situation and things have gotten ugly.
Coaches questioning leadership, players questioning leadership and all of this because their program is draped in dog poop. Things are so bad, their coach has started lieing about how much dog poop has enveloped the program to officials attempting to clean up the basketball offices for him. There is no word on if the odor has scrambled his brain, or if he is just not a nice person and out of his mind. Who knew that a few piles of dog dookie could possibly cost a person or living mascot their job with the university.
The story of Smokey only gets stranger. Crack is a terrible drug that can not only affect the user, but those around him or her. Due to his illness, Smokey has dumped on every square inch of the Tennessee Athletic Department. The school that once meant so much to our little friend, is no more than a giant patch of pasture to place his poopys. This is a situation where one problem turned into several problems because no one wanted to take the initiative to help a brother out. Now Tennessee must live with their stench. Stay tuned.