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Mar 19

So, We Meet Again John Flowers

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo | Leave a Comment (1)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

West Virginia senior, John Flowers, drew the “stank Eye” of TGR in last year’s tournament before the clash with Kentucky. I wrote about Mr. Flowers and below is how that sounded last March…

The 2010 West ‘By God’ Virginia Mountaineers. A band of several 6’7” tall mountain men playing the simple game of basketball in order to capture the hearts and affection of their fellow mountain people. I doubt it gets any more American, my good people of the bluegrass. If it were not for my fanatical love for the Elite 8 opponents of the team located east bound on I-64 from here, I might pull for them to be victorious in this year’s competition. For the
remainder of this day, the WVU squad will have to deal with me hating them with unadulterated passion, deal with it Hillbillies…

After I was awakened this morning by Roderick, the rooster outside my bedroom window, I rushed to my computer to find out what the latest UK news was on the various blogs and news sites. After finding nothing more than a few articles containing far too many numbers and stats, I decided to go searching for the true story of tonight’s game. The first and last place I went to to get the scoop, Twitter. God’s gift to the reporting of the truth, and nothing but the truth.

While searching through fact, after wonderful fact, I came across the Twitter account of West Virginia’s John flowers. The 6’7” (surprise surprise), 215 lb. junior from Waldorf, Maryland is a frequent Twitterer. Some of his most recent tweets have shown his skills in using the popular text words, “lol” and haha”, brilliant. Some of his most recent topics have included getting “hyphy “and his first experience with a deep fried Oreo.

I would like to discuss his most recent tweet in which he tweeted, “I want her 2 spoil me!” If there were any clues to what this meant in his previous tweets, I was unable to decipher them. So, instead I had to investigate into what this might have meant, a.k.a make a non-educated guess. After over 2 minutes of thought, I have come to this conclusion; it is an obvious reference to UK super fan, Ashley Judd. How could it not be? Ashley is as rich as the day is long and John wants some of that sugar momma money. “I want her 2 spoil me! “, how could it be any clearer? John does not have faith that his WVU degree is going to give him the life he wants to live, and how can you blame him? That piece of paper can’t be much more valuable than the Sunday morning coupon section from the Herald Leader.

Mr. Flowers is basically begging Mrs. Judd to take him in and pamper him like the kid that he is. “spoil me” Ashley! “Buy me some stuff!” “I need some new shoes Mrs. Judd!” “I need some new video games!” “Damn it woman, get in that kitchen and make me a fresh pot pie!” The thought of how Mr. Flowers wishes to treat our Ashley makes me sick. How dare he speak of her in such ways. Does he not understand that she needs every penny she has to buy extremely
tight UK t-shirts and skin tight jeans to wear to our games? She does not have time for you Flowers!

Here’s some advice, after you graduate from WVU, go to Jr. college, it might increase your chances at a cubicle job. Save your money, you don’t have to buy every pair of Jordan’s that you see in the mall. Stay away from those check cashing joints, they are bad for you. Finally, get off the fried oreos, that can’t be good for you either. Go cats!

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