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Mar 25

TGR’s Pregame Nonsense – Ohio State

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo | Leave a Comment (8)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

The Sweet 16 and another chance to release upon our lovely planet another load of pregame nonsense has returned to Big Blue nation! The fans, the media, and the Wildcats have gathered in lovely New Jersey for a much anticipated match-up with the #1 over-all seed in the 2011 NCAA Tournament, THE Ohio State University Buckeyes! If that doesn’t convince you that it is a big day for the Big Blue, note that Fertig washed his underpants for the first time in 2011 last night. Everyone is dressed and ready! Tip-off is later, but the nonsense has already begun!

While growing up, and until about 23 minutes ago, I believed that the nickname of Ohio State, the Buckeyes, was in reference to the nut that fell from the tree, not the actual Buckeye tree, I was incorrect. If the thought of Ohio State University and/or their fans did not make me physically ill, I may have researched the subject before today. From very little research, I have found out that not only are Buckeye fans and their university miserable to deal with, the actual tree that they have nicknamed themselves after is too. The Ohio buckeye, American buckeye, or fetid buckeye as it is known as by commoners like me, is known as Aesculus glabra in the scientific community. Like most Buckeye fans, the tree derives its unflattering common name from the disagreeable odor generated from the flowers, crushed leaves, broken twigs, or bruised bark. In other words, Ohio State University could easily change their nickname to the OSU Stankin’ Ass Trees. I have no clue if that description of the Ohio buckeye is true, but Wikipedia says it is, and there is no way that a Michigan fan said that OSU is nicknamed after a tree that stinks like the northern shore of the Ohio River.

Further research tells us that the buckeye, the nut, which grows on the Ohio buckeye tree, is named so, because of it’s resemblance to the eye of a male deer or buck. If this fact encourages you to run into the nearest forest to gouge out the eyes of all male deer in the area, you are not alone my friends. The idea of a “buckeye” is as miserable as it gets for me. I don’t even enjoy the buckeye candy that you see around the holidays. Peanut butter covered in chocolate, with just a little of the peanut butter showing to resemble the nut? I would love to show Ohioans where they can stick those things. If you are a frequent patron of the Cracker Barrel Empire, you might see a basket of buckeyes at their counter for purchase. Word on the streets and folk lore, I guess, says that buckeyes are lucky if you carry them around. If they are lucky, why are most of them living in Ohio? Several times, after a very nice country fried steak at the Barrel, I have contemplated taking that entire basket of disgusting buckeyes to the bathroom to moisturize them.

Hey Cats, whudaya say, let’s ruin a Buckeye’s day! C! A! T! S!

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