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Apr 2

Throw Those Stones Husky Fans… Just Throw Those Stones

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 4:20 pm | Leave a Comment (0)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

Since the Cats and Huskies last met so many months ago on an island in the Pacific Ocean, a lot has happened to both teams. Obviously, both teams have improved greatly, on the floor. The problem for UConn and head coach, Jim Calhoun, things have changed in his life off the court. As much as John Calipari is criticized for things in the media, that have never been found to be true by the NCAA, Jim Calhoun flies under the radar. That is, until February, when the NCAA ruled on the violations they found to e be valid concerning Calhoun and the UConn basketball program.
Before the meeting earlier in the season in Hawaii, TGR told you about the NCAA’s allegations concerning Jimmy and his program. Here were the issues…

-Impermissible phone calls and text messages to prospective student-athletes

-Impermissible benefits provided to a prospective student-athlete by a representative of the institution’s athletic interests

-Impermissible benefit to a prospective student-athlete by a member of the basketball staff

-Allegations against two (2) members of the basketball staff for providing false and misleading information to the NCAA Enforcement staff and to the institution

-Providing impermissible complimentary admissions or discretionary tickets

-A failure by the head men’s basketball coach to promote an atmosphere of compliance in the men’s basketball program and a failure to adequately monitor the program to ensure compliance with NCAA legislation regarding telephone calls, text messages and benefits provided by a representative of the institution’s athletic interests

-A failure by the institution to adequately monitor the conduct and administration of the men’s basketball staff in the areas of: telephone records, representatives of the institution’s athletics interests; and, complimentary admissions or discretionary tickets

When we first told you about these allegations, we told you that Lil Jimmy had denied any knowledge, although UConn admitted they found 1,400 calls and 1,100 text messages that were improperly sent to improper people. In February of this year, the NCAA made a ruling on these allegations and found that Coach Calhoun failed to create an atmosphere of compliance within his program and he was suspended for the first three Big East games during the 2011-12 season. Slick Jimmy was spared any post-season sanctions, but UConn was hit with scholarship reductions for three academic years, recruiting restrictions, permanent disassociation of a booster and three years’ probation. Calhoun said this about the ruling, “I am very disappointed with the NCAA’s decision in this case. My lawyer and I are evaluating my options and will make a decision which way to proceed. In the meantime, I will not make any further statements about the case as our program prepares for what I hope will be an exciting and successful postseason.” No matter what it takes, right Jimmy?

Yet, UConn fans still criticize Calipari? Be careful Husky fans, your entire campus is built out of glass. C! A! T! S!

Mar 27

Time For Kentucky To Write The Next Chapter

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 7:15 am | Leave a Comment (0)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

The Kentucky Wildcats story book ending has set itself up perfectly. The departures of the 5 ‘Draft Cats’, the drama of the Terrence Jones decommitment, the ‘Free Enes’ movement, the short bench, the ups and downs of the regular season, the decision on Enes, the road losses, the SEC Tournament title, the rise of Kanter’s replacement, Brandon Knight’s cold blood, the West Virginia revenge, and the win over AN Ohio State University.

Now these Cats get a shot at one of the few schools who can claim similar basketball tradition to that of their own. The schools who wear the two most recognizable shades of blue in all of college basketball are set to do battle in a few hours and I can’t wait.

Speaking of stories, here is one I shared with TGR earlier in the year when the Cats and Heels first met in Chapel Hill. It might help those at your viewing party break the tension a little before tip-off…

– When experts, such as myself, speak about the Mecca’s of college basketball, there are only a few places that come to mind. As Kentucky fans, we consider Lexington to be the most important of those spoken of, but, believe it or not, there are a few more. Westwood, Lawrence, Durham, and as the cats will find out tomorrow, Chapel Hill, are some of the most historical and tradition rich locations on the basketball landscape. Kentucky’s destination on Saturday,
Chapel Hill, has always puzzled me.

Could it have gotten it’s name simply because there was a chapel on a hill there? I hoped that such an historical college basketball town would have a much more interesting story than a simple church on a hill. As normally happens to me, I over thought the name and, of course, it was because they had a simple church on a hill. Chapel Hill’s town center sits in a spot once occupied by a small Anglican “chapel of ease”, built in 1752, known as New Hope Chapel.

Why did that actually have to be the reason for the name?

I was hoping for something so much more interesting than that when I decided to research it. Why couldn’t the town have been named after the ancestors of the comedian, Dave Chappelle? I realize the spelling is off, but it could have been a great story. I would have loved if Dave’s long lost Uncle Luke had been around North Carolina in the 1800s. I wish he had been at a local saloon long into the night one night when he was approached by a beautiful young lass. After several whiskeys (did they drink anything else in the 1800s?), they retreated into the North Carolina night. They stumbled up a hill in order to find a quiet spot to talk.

At least that is what Luke would have the young lady to believe. After several minutes of whispering sweet nothings into one another’s ear, Luke made his move. The young girl resisted Luke Chappelle‘s sexual needs and pushed Luke away. After a few tense moments upon that North Carolina hill, Luke finally gave in. He knew the young lady was not going to give him the loving he so desperately needed and he approached the girl one last time. He looked into the girl’s baby blue eyes and asked, “What did the 5 fingers say to the face?” Confused, the girl responded, “What?” The word had not as much come off her lips before Luke said, “Slap!”

And pimped slapped her down the North Carolina hill. Still drunk, he took out his knife and carved his name into the side of a lovely old Maple tree that sat upon the hill. With the whiskey controlling the knife, he misspelled his last name of ‘Chappelle ‘and instead carved Chapel in the tree.

Why couldn’t that be the story? Why did it really have to be a church on a hill? I like my story better, I will go with it! I’M RICH BITCH! C! A! T!S!-

Mar 25

TGR’s Pregame Nonsense – Ohio State

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 3:55 pm | Leave a Comment (8)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

The Sweet 16 and another chance to release upon our lovely planet another load of pregame nonsense has returned to Big Blue nation! The fans, the media, and the Wildcats have gathered in lovely New Jersey for a much anticipated match-up with the #1 over-all seed in the 2011 NCAA Tournament, THE Ohio State University Buckeyes! If that doesn’t convince you that it is a big day for the Big Blue, note that Fertig washed his underpants for the first time in 2011 last night. Everyone is dressed and ready! Tip-off is later, but the nonsense has already begun!

While growing up, and until about 23 minutes ago, I believed that the nickname of Ohio State, the Buckeyes, was in reference to the nut that fell from the tree, not the actual Buckeye tree, I was incorrect. If the thought of Ohio State University and/or their fans did not make me physically ill, I may have researched the subject before today. From very little research, I have found out that not only are Buckeye fans and their university miserable to deal with, the actual tree that they have nicknamed themselves after is too. The Ohio buckeye, American buckeye, or fetid buckeye as it is known as by commoners like me, is known as Aesculus glabra in the scientific community. Like most Buckeye fans, the tree derives its unflattering common name from the disagreeable odor generated from the flowers, crushed leaves, broken twigs, or bruised bark. In other words, Ohio State University could easily change their nickname to the OSU Stankin’ Ass Trees. I have no clue if that description of the Ohio buckeye is true, but Wikipedia says it is, and there is no way that a Michigan fan said that OSU is nicknamed after a tree that stinks like the northern shore of the Ohio River.

Further research tells us that the buckeye, the nut, which grows on the Ohio buckeye tree, is named so, because of it’s resemblance to the eye of a male deer or buck. If this fact encourages you to run into the nearest forest to gouge out the eyes of all male deer in the area, you are not alone my friends. The idea of a “buckeye” is as miserable as it gets for me. I don’t even enjoy the buckeye candy that you see around the holidays. Peanut butter covered in chocolate, with just a little of the peanut butter showing to resemble the nut? I would love to show Ohioans where they can stick those things. If you are a frequent patron of the Cracker Barrel Empire, you might see a basket of buckeyes at their counter for purchase. Word on the streets and folk lore, I guess, says that buckeyes are lucky if you carry them around. If they are lucky, why are most of them living in Ohio? Several times, after a very nice country fried steak at the Barrel, I have contemplated taking that entire basket of disgusting buckeyes to the bathroom to moisturize them.

Hey Cats, whudaya say, let’s ruin a Buckeye’s day! C! A! T! S!

Mar 19

So, We Meet Again John Flowers

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 9:17 am | Leave a Comment (1)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

West Virginia senior, John Flowers, drew the “stank Eye” of TGR in last year’s tournament before the clash with Kentucky. I wrote about Mr. Flowers and below is how that sounded last March…

The 2010 West ‘By God’ Virginia Mountaineers. A band of several 6’7” tall mountain men playing the simple game of basketball in order to capture the hearts and affection of their fellow mountain people. I doubt it gets any more American, my good people of the bluegrass. If it were not for my fanatical love for the Elite 8 opponents of the team located east bound on I-64 from here, I might pull for them to be victorious in this year’s competition. For the
remainder of this day, the WVU squad will have to deal with me hating them with unadulterated passion, deal with it Hillbillies…

After I was awakened this morning by Roderick, the rooster outside my bedroom window, I rushed to my computer to find out what the latest UK news was on the various blogs and news sites. After finding nothing more than a few articles containing far too many numbers and stats, I decided to go searching for the true story of tonight’s game. The first and last place I went to to get the scoop, Twitter. God’s gift to the reporting of the truth, and nothing but the truth.

While searching through fact, after wonderful fact, I came across the Twitter account of West Virginia’s John flowers. The 6’7” (surprise surprise), 215 lb. junior from Waldorf, Maryland is a frequent Twitterer. Some of his most recent tweets have shown his skills in using the popular text words, “lol” and haha”, brilliant. Some of his most recent topics have included getting “hyphy “and his first experience with a deep fried Oreo.

I would like to discuss his most recent tweet in which he tweeted, “I want her 2 spoil me!” If there were any clues to what this meant in his previous tweets, I was unable to decipher them. So, instead I had to investigate into what this might have meant, a.k.a make a non-educated guess. After over 2 minutes of thought, I have come to this conclusion; it is an obvious reference to UK super fan, Ashley Judd. How could it not be? Ashley is as rich as the day is long and John wants some of that sugar momma money. “I want her 2 spoil me! “, how could it be any clearer? John does not have faith that his WVU degree is going to give him the life he wants to live, and how can you blame him? That piece of paper can’t be much more valuable than the Sunday morning coupon section from the Herald Leader.

Mr. Flowers is basically begging Mrs. Judd to take him in and pamper him like the kid that he is. “spoil me” Ashley! “Buy me some stuff!” “I need some new shoes Mrs. Judd!” “I need some new video games!” “Damn it woman, get in that kitchen and make me a fresh pot pie!” The thought of how Mr. Flowers wishes to treat our Ashley makes me sick. How dare he speak of her in such ways. Does he not understand that she needs every penny she has to buy extremely
tight UK t-shirts and skin tight jeans to wear to our games? She does not have time for you Flowers!

Here’s some advice, after you graduate from WVU, go to Jr. college, it might increase your chances at a cubicle job. Save your money, you don’t have to buy every pair of Jordan’s that you see in the mall. Stay away from those check cashing joints, they are bad for you. Finally, get off the fried oreos, that can’t be good for you either. Go cats!

Mar 6

The Trials & Tribulations of Smokey, Tennessee’s Mascot – Part IV

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 8:15 am | Leave a Comment (4)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

For the past three painful days, we have revisited the Trials & Tribulations of Tennessee’s living mascot, Smokey, the blue tick hound. As I am sure you have read, Smokey has had a long battle with crack cocaine that has been ignored by those in power at the University of Tennessee. Despite the persistence of TGR and a few UK alumni along the way, Smokey’s life has spiraled out of control in the past couple of years. We at TGR are very afraid that the crack, the puppy mill, the puppy prostitution, and future NCAA sanctions on his beloved UT might end Smokey’s life. Below is the latest TGR report on the current condition of poor ‘ol Smokey.

TGR is very sad to report that the end of the road for Tennessee’s most famous blue tick hound is inching nearer. Smokey’s debilitating addiction to crack has taken a major toll on the dog’s body since we last spoke. As most Tennessee Volunteer fans will tell you, crack has a harsh effect on the intestines and bowel system of the body. After years of use, crack reportedly loosens the intestines and prevents the addict from having proper control of his or her bowels.

Unfortunately for Smokey, this stage of his illness has taken a grip on his life. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Smokey is pooping on everyone and everything in Knoxville’ Tennessee. If you previously thought the East Tennessee city had an odd odor wafting in and out of it’s city streets, you should get a whiff of it now. The crack head dog has put a funk on the town that will forever change the way his hometown is viewed by the rest of America.

I am told by sources close to the situation that the first time it was realized that Smokey was pooping on things uncontrollably, it was done in the UT football facilities. Soon after Tennessee’s former football coach left town for the west coast, UT administrators discovered the UT program stunk.

Their players wreaked, their new coach smelled, and the program as a whole was mired in piles and piles of Smokey’s fecal matter. It was immediately obvious that the first victims of Smokey’s uncontrollable bowels were the boys and girls in the UT football program. It was very odd for all involved To have the biggest canine Vol fan in Tennessee be the one to poop all over their facility and hard work.

After the football program was pooped upon, we were told Tennessee’s very successful baseball team was the next victims. Smokey’s heaving piles were found throughout that program’s halls too and boy, did it stink. I have been told that on very gusty days in the Smokey Mountains, the stench could be detected as far north as Indianapolis. It was no surprise that Smokey’s dumps had such a wretched smell, he was not eating the best diet with all of his money going towards the crack. After the football teams much publicized situation with the poop, the baseball team at UT’s stinky problems have flown under the radar. And to think, the baseball Vols have given so many old baseballs and hotdogs to their good friend Smokey, only to be pooped on. Many have began to wonder if Tennessee’s baseball team will ever recover from the mess.

As bad as those situations are, nothing compares to the steaming patty Smokey left at Thompson-Boling Arena. For all of the dirty turds Smokey left for his baseball and football friends, he left the most damaging nuggets for his basketball buddies. Apparently, the piles of poop are so high in the arena and basketball facilities, it has caused in-fighting between the players and coaches at UT. Smokey’s powerful poops have put an enormous amount of tension in the situation and things have gotten ugly.

Coaches questioning leadership, players questioning leadership and all of this because their program is draped in dog poop. Things are so bad, their coach has started lieing about how much dog poop has enveloped the program to officials attempting to clean up the basketball offices for him. There is no word on if the odor has scrambled his brain, or if he is just not a nice person and out of his mind. Who knew that a few piles of dog dookie could possibly cost a person or living mascot their job with the university.

The story of Smokey only gets stranger. Crack is a terrible drug that can not only affect the user, but those around him or her. Due to his illness, Smokey has dumped on every square inch of the Tennessee Athletic Department. The school that once meant so much to our little friend, is no more than a giant patch of pasture to place his poopys. This is a situation where one problem turned into several problems because no one wanted to take the initiative to help a brother out. Now Tennessee must live with their stench. Stay tuned.

Mar 5

The Trials & Tribulations of Smokey, Tennessee’s Mascot – Part III

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 6:00 pm | Leave a Comment (12)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

On February3, 2011, we gave you this update on the status of Tennessee’s mascot, Smokey…

If things continue in the same direction they are currently heading in, a much larger dose of ‘Pregame Nonsense’ may be needed in order to cope in BBN. Losing to Ole Miss and Florida in back to back games in football is one thing, losing to them in basketball is a completely different one. It is time to jack up the volume on this TGR boom box and get to our game day preparations!

I am sure that some of you are familiar with our reporting of the trials and tribulations of the living mascot of the University of Tennessee athletic program, Smokey. A year ago, we first alerted the country to the terrible addiction the Vols lovable blue tick hound was dealing with. As I said in that first TGR news report, I don’t look down upon Smokey from my ‘drug free’ pedestal. Instead, I pity the fool as Mr. T would. The first question I got from most readers was, “How could he light the lighter, he doesn’t have plausible thumbs? “My only answer to that is…exactly.

In the Fall, we gave you an update on Smokey and his situation in Knoxville. We told you about some very charitable Kentucky fans who felt Smokey’s issues were getting worse and that they needed to step in. The UK alumni convinced 3 members of the DARE role model program from across the country to fly to Tennessee to assist in Smokey’s recovery, only to have them sidetracked by Tennessee basketball head coach, Bruce Pearl, with an invitation to a cookout at the coach’s home.

Until now, the last word that we received from those in and around Knoxville was that Smokey had started an illegal puppy mill and was selling his offspring to China for crack cocaine and eggrolls, Smokey’s favorite. Smokey, who’s name was originally thought to be connected to the Great Smokey Mountains of east Tennessee, apparently gathered all of the bitches (female dogs) from the UT campus in order to build his puppy stable. His addiction to crack has taken full control of his damn dog mind and he sees no problem in whoring out the tramps and mutts around town. Not only is he selling sex to the hounds around town unsatisfied with their marriages, he is encouraging his girls to not use protection in order to get pregnant. Smokey has discovered that the online sell of dogs to China is a very lucrative business and with the money he is making, he can get his fix and all of the shrimp eggrolls a blue tick hound can eat.

In just over a year, Smokey has built quite the clientele. From former Tennessee governors to former Tennessee basketball players, everyone who has had one of Smokey’s hoe’s comes away satisfied. Recently, a certain University of Tennessee employee was suspended temporarily from his job at UT. Reports
from around Knoxville indicate that throughout the UT employee’s suspension, he was a frequent customer of Smokey’s services. Rumors have the UT employee being very fond of a certain Labrador retriever named “Bitch Tits” and a German Sheppard named “Robin Quivers”. Nothing has been confirmed, but, former
tricks once employed by Smokey, state several of the coach’s, I mean UT employee’s, offspring have been sent to the Far East in the illegal puppy trade.

We have a pending tragedy on our hands TGR and we need to do something about it. Smokey has fallen deeper into the life of crime and is nearly to the point of no return. I beg of you, if you are in China in the near future and see any over weight German Sheppard’s or Labrador retrievers with orange highlights in their fur, do not purchase one! The best way to get to the Tennessee criminal element at this point is to hit them where it hurts, in their wallets. If you would like to send Smokey any monetary assistance, send your credit card number to robp@tailgatereview.com

C! A!! T! S!

If you haven’t been following, you might want to check Part I and Part II before reading Part III.

Mar 4

The Trials & Tribulations of Smokey, Tennessee’s Mascot- Part II

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 6:00 pm | Leave a Comment (2)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

Posted on November 27, 2010, this is our 2nd part to the Smokey saga…

Seems like nonsense is constantly flowing around here and from the University of Tennessee. The list of nonsensical events that have occurred at UT in the past 24 months is endless. The NCAA is fully aware of the corrupt lifestyle that is being encouraged at UT, that is why they are conducting a full scale investigation into the UT football, basketball, and baseball programs as we speak. I have never spoken or typed these words in my life, but, good luck NCAA!

Wednesday, I promised you a follow up and update to my previous Pregame Nonsense post concerning Tennessee. In my previous post, I alerted TGR nation to the on-going issue with Tennessee’s living mascot, Smokey. I filled you in on Smokey’s battle with crack cocaine and the university’s continuing attempt to sweep the entire situation under the rug. Unfortunately, the lovable blue tick hound’s personal war with illegal drugs continues. After my last post, a group of UK alumni from the Knoxville area attempted to reach out to Smokey. They all let Smokey know that they would put aside their differing views on college athletics for a while in order to help him recuperate. Smokey agreed to give in to their help, but only if they never wore their Jody Meeks ‘Witness’ t-shirts around him. They agreed, but only if Smokey pushed stop on the stereo constantly playing Rocky Top in his dog house, he agreed.

Since Smokey is only a few years old, the UK alums thought it might be easier and better for Smokey if they had a couple of young people come in to talk to him. The Kentucky fans called around the country to find several of the most influential high school students enrolled in the DARE role model program.

If you are not familiar with DARE, it is a federally funded program that attempts to help young people resist the temptation of drug and alcohol use. The DARE role models are chosen from those high school students who are seen as leaders and good role models for younger kids. The DARE role models go to elementary and middle schools preaching the good word of the fight against drugs. I was not a DARE role model in high school; I probably should have been one of the kids they were attempting to change. The Kentuckians thought that Smokey would benefit by speaking to this super group of DARE role models though and locked down around 3 of the best and brightest to meet with Smokey in Knoxville.

The 3 role models were 3 young men the group had tracked down from across the country. The date in which they were scheduled to meet with UT’s mascot was fast approaching when word of the teens trip to Knoxville was leaked by a UT booster. Panic ensued in the UT athletic department when the mere thought of more negative publicity for UT athletics was mentioned. The UT brain trust (yes, there is such thing) devised a plan to side track the young men sent to help Smokey with his crack problem.

With very little research, UT officials learned that the 3 young men on their way to Knoxville to care for their blue tick hound happened to be great high school basketball players. When the high school juniors arrived in Knoxville they were met first by UT administrators and not the UK fans they had come to see. A strategically placed flight attendant pulled a bait and switch in baggage claim which allowed this to happen. Never let anyone tell you UT fans are not crafty with the intelligence they do have. The young men were easily distracted from their original plan when they were greeted by Tennessee head basketball coach, Bruce Pearl, in a waiting limousine.

After the boys were enticed into the limo with Capri Sun’s and Little Debbie oatmeal cookies, Pearl informed the boys that he was interested in them playing basketball for the Vols. He told the boys that he wanted them to see campus, but he would like them to come to his house for a cookout first. Pearl knew having the high school juniors to his home was an NCAA violation, but he was willing to fall on the sword for his employer. Bruce knew that the ruckus that would be caused by the media finding out Smokey was addicted to crack cocaine would be to much for anyone at Tennessee to survive. In short, Pearl was going to take the fall for those who had continuously ignored the drug problem they knew their lovely mascot had.

In the end, Pearl had the boys to his home, and later it was discovered to be a violation by the NCAA. Pearl originally denied the home visit, but later admitted he had lied to them. Can you imagine? All of this to protect and ignore a drug problem a poor defenseless hound dog was suffering from? The UK alums that attempted to help Smokey never heard from the boys sent to help.

The general feeling is that they were paid off, but who knows. The bottom line is that there is still a blue tick hound in Knoxville with a serious problem. The last TGR heard, Smokey had started an illegal puppy mill in the Knoxville slums and was selling his offspring to China for food and puppy prostitution.

I am begging you Tennessee, please help Smokey help himself! C! A! T! S!

Mar 3

The Trials & Tribulations of Smokey, Tennessee’s Mascot – Part I

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 6:00 pm | Leave a Comment (1)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

On February 26, 2010, we here at TGR brought you the disturbing news of Tennessee’s living mascot, Smokey, and his battle with drug abuse. We are giving you the entire trilogy leading up to a new report on Smokey’s current condition Sunday before the game in Knoxville…

I know you are all familiar with Tennessee’s living mascot, Smokey. The lovable blue tick hound roams the sidelines for the Vols athletic teams. At first glance Smokey looks like a pleasant pup, but from reports recently submitted to the Tailgate Review, things are not always what they seem.

An unnamed source informed the TGR News Crew that Smokey is quite a problem for his handlers. Smokey was thought to be named such, because of the close proximity to the Great Smokey Mountains. Turns out, this is not the case at all. Smokey suffers from an addiction to smoking crack cocaine. I know “R.A, you silly fool, dogs don’t smoke crack!” Believe you me, I thought the same thing when I heard the news. How could he even light the lighter, he doesn’t have plausible thumbs or anything like that? Is someone helping him hold the pipe? Could it be one of those basketball players that are toting around pistols and marijuana? I am getting upset by this news, and I have known about this for months, it is very disturbing.Are crack dealers selling the crap straight to the dog, or is there a middle man?

We got this news only because the crack scene was about to be exposed by the local authorities. They had a lead on a University of Tennessee employee, and were about to go in to take the criminal down, but he bolted for the west coast. Seems he found a better boss out there that will allow him to get away with more than what UT was. I have heard that UT knows about the entire situation, but have chosen to protect their former hired Gun, instead of looking out for the well being of Smokey.

I don’t look down upon Smokey from my ‘drug free’ pedestal. Instead, I pity the fool as Mr. T would. I hope that the University of Tennessee can find time in their busy schedule to help their long time mascot. Instead of using more than 8 hours to paint the entire body of their men’s head coach orange, why not take a moment to help out their biggest fan.

If you are reading this Smokey, I care about you. If you ever want any help escaping your momentary high, to join a circle of friends as high as you can be on life, holler at your boy dawg!

Mar 1

Pregame Nonsense; Jorts

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 1:30 pm | Leave a Comment (2)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

This post is normally designated real estate for some ‘nonsense’ directed at Kentucky’s opponent. Today, our Pregame Nonsense honors our lone Kentucky senior basketball player and his choice of clothing. Jorts are a garment worn by women or men that covers the pelvic area, the buttocks, and the legs, stopping between the top of the thigh and the knee. They are simply shorts made from denim. Some restrict “jorts” in particular to self-cropped pants made from denim (cut-off jeans), while others broaden them to include denim shorts cropped, hemmed, and sometimes even pleated at the knee. In either case, jean shorts are in wide use throughout the United States. With the wide use of cellphones, jean shorts now often have a side pocket just to hold a cellphone. Most jean shorts have two back pockets and two side pockets. Black denim, store-bought jean shorts are popular in hip-hop and rap videos. These particular ones usually extend below the knee, whether the waistband is worn at the waist or not. I doubt Wikipedia has ever given better and more educational information in its life.

Kentucky fans and the BBN blogosphere have referred to Josh Harrellson as “Jorts” since a picture of him on his recruiting visit to Lexington and UK showed up with him wearing a fantastic pair of jean shorts. Since that memorable moment so may years ago, Josh has been known as “Jorts” by all of his fans. Josh has embraced the name as many might expect who are familiar with his sense of humor. I, myself, am not as “easy going” when it comes to my clothing being made fun of. If some jerk ever called me “tighty whities” or “Keds” or “braided belt”, or even “Hypercolors”, I would be very upset.

If you are still unclear on what “Jorts” are, the wonderful people at Urban Dictionary have several definitions. “Jean shorts. Worn mostly by children and douchebags. Jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like. If you wear jorts, you probably don’t talk to girls. The term “jorts” does not apply to jean shorts worn by black people, as those are entirely acceptable. “That may not be the most flattering definition, but when used in a sentence, it sounds a little more positive, “The kid next to me was definitely a total dick; he was wearing jorts. “ OK, maybe that was not as nice as I thought it was. Another definition is, “a combination of the words “jean” and “shorts” used to describe the hideous attire, usually sported by NASCAR aficionados and men over 40. Sometimes Jorts are accessorized with a lovely cellphone belt clip and a braided leather belt, but not always. Sometimes the Jorts wearer lets the Jorts speak for themselves.”

From very little research, I have learned not only is Kentucky’s only senior known for his Jorts within the SEC, apparently Florida fans are well-known for their sporting of Jorts. I found this definition too, “Slang for jean shorts. These are most often worn by the fashion illiterate and the fan base of the University of Florida. “The south and the Southeastern Conference should be so proud!

Tonight we honor our Jorts! Although sometimes uncomfortable and invasive, in the end, our Jorts improved over time! Our Jorts are not always pleasant to look at, but they get the job done. Without our Jorts, our year would not be nearly as successful or complete. In the three years we have had our Jorts on board, win or lose, our Jorts were bangin’ C! A! T! S

Feb 28

Postgame Pregame Nonsense; Vanderbilt

Posted by: R.A.Pedigo at 7:20 pm | Leave a Comment (2)
Category: Pre-Game Nonsense

On Saturday, February 12, the Cats traveled to Nashville for some basketball action. Ironically, I posted the following nonsense about their opponents, the Vanderbilt Commodores, enjoy…

– Good mornin’ party people and welcome to your own personal hell! It is what you make of it, so let’s all try to settle down and deal with the next 45 seconds of your life as civilly as we can. There is a 78% chance I still have a slight buzz from last night, but that is none of your business. We have gathered here today to discuss Ricky martin, rice crispy treats, and their effect on society, I think. I hope to god you are not nearly as confused as I am. It is time for our annual trip to that crap-tastic gymnasium in Nashville, so, let’s get the ‘Nonsense’ flowing!

The Vanderbilt University Commodores! Whenever I hear that name, I can only think of two things…Nerds and how I don’t really know what a Commodore is. Based on Vandy’s lovely mascot, Mr. C, it is either some form of military ranking or a very odd sexual fetish. The reason that I believe it to be the latter is because I know at least 3 writers for TGR who have shared with me their unabashed love for Mr. C. According to Wikipedia, The term commodore was used
by the Navy during the mid- to late nineteenth century. A commodore was the commanding officer of a task force of ships, and therefore higher in rank than a captain but lower in rank than an admiral. It was the highest rank in the United States Navy until the Civil War. The closest parallel to this now-defunct rank is rear admiral lower-half. Basically what the most reliable source on the internet is telling us is that Commodores no longer exist. It is my opinion
that the military finally figured out how ridiculous it was for a man to dress like that and got rid of their fairy asses.

I can hear you loud and clear TGR…What does a defunct navy rank have to do with a school in Nashville, Tennessee? The school’s founder, Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt is the connection. The odd thing is, Cornelius was as much a Commodore in the military as Perry Stevenson was. Mr. Vanderbilt made a ton of money and was given the nickname, “Commodore”, because his fortune was built in the shipping business. If you step back and ponder this, Vanderbilt was
Tennessee’s version of Colonel Sanders. A man who was given a nickname that would make you think he was in the military when nothing could be farther from the truth. At least the ‘Colonel’ ranking still exists within the armed services. I am almost positive master P was Colonel of the mother f**king tank.

Since it is the closest ranking to a ‘Commodore’, I would love to see the university update its nickname by changing it to Vanderbilt University Rear Admiral Lower-half’s. That or Vanderbilt university Ragin’ Nerds! C! A! T! S!-